She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
