why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
