we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
