I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
