after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
