I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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