We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
