Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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