It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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