Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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