His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
