If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
