The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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