Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize