I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
