i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
