booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
