You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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