after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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