Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
