I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
