It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Are we still banned from the library?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
