we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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