I am in a vortex of obligation.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
