What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
