peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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