I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
