jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
