oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
