I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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