If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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