we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
