I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We named our party play list daddy issues
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
