I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
