Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
