we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
