I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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