I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize