matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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