med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
