K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
