Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Girls should come with a carfax report
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
