Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
