There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
