i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't motorboat a personality
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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