So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
