You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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