dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
