Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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