My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You have to summon your inner elephant
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i've created a new STD.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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