ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
