also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
