She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
