Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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