maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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