Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didn't notice because vodka
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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