So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
