He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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