do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
