We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
