But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
