So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
