i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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