If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
