I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
